It’s another Mixology Monday, and your well-lubricated friends at Sloshed! are taking a break from our usual Monday diet of Proust and Miller High Life to participate in the time-honored tradition of smelting classic cocktails and reshaping them in our grotesque images. And it just so happens that this week’s MxMo is helmed by RumDood (whom apparently believes his nom de plume is so singular as to be exempt from traditional grammar…like Cher), so our involvement is nearly mandatory.
Our friend Matt—rum aficionado, bearded alchemist, devourer of exotic meats—has a really bad habit: he leaves booze over at our house. It doesn’t Matter (look, I’m an advertising hack!) whether it’s TV night or a gathering of friends old and new, he never arrives with less than four bottles and always leaves with nothing. While we here at Sloshed! have abided this naughty behavior (not mention other unspeakable acts of generosity and antiquated manliness), the line in the proverbial sandy beach has been drawn, and our revenge—naturally, in the form of a highly intoxicating cocktail—is at hand. Behold the El Centro Cooler, forged in blood, named after Matt’s hometown, and made almost entirely from the still-warm corpses of ingredients he has thought
fullylessly orphaned at our bar. Proceed if you dare!
2 oz Ron Matusalem Gran Reserva Dominican rum
¾ oz Oronoco Brazilian white rum
¾ oz Ron Matusalem Platino rum
¼ oz Wray & Nephew Overproof rum
½ oz falernum (preferably homemade by Matt, but if you can’t bribe him, substitute freely)
¾ oz ginger syrup
1 oz lime juice
3 oz ginger beer
Shake all ingredients, except overproof rum and ginger beer, with crushed ice, and serve over yet more crushed ice. Splash the ginger beer on top, and gently send Uncle Wray and kin aloft over the back of a well-loved spoon. Serve in tiki mug purchased with exact change; garnish with well-placed fedora of mint and Thai basil.
This drink completely fails as a weapon of public humiliation and/or a garrote, but is actually pretty damn tasty as a cocktail. We would recommend using a ginger beer with some guts, and homemade falernum really ratchets this up, if available. Perfect for your next pool party or late-night keelhauling!