What you are about to read is part of a collective effort by cocktail bloggers to make a point about some questionable practices by marketing and PR agencies. This does not make my comments any less true, as I am forgoing my usual diplomatic pragmatism in favor of brutal honesty in the face of some rude and very irritating behavior. I recognize that this is just a blog, much like many other blogs out there, and that I am not changing the world by writing about cocktails. Be that as it may, this blog is a labor of love for me. I make just enough money off of it to pay for hosting each year; otherwise, 90% of the liquor I use to make these drinks was purchased out of pocket, using money I earn by working 10-12 hour days, just like the marketers and distillers and bartenders out there. In other words, while I can’t spend as much time as I would like building up a stable of future posts or taking better photos or searching out more recipes, I take this very seriously. I could do any number of other things with what little free time I have, but I spend it here attempting to provide interesting, informative commentary on a subject that is compelling to me and, judging by my stats, to many of you.

Marketing is huge part of the liquor business, as is likely obvious to anyone who has wandered the vodka aisle at their local liquor store. It’s a very competitive industry where, save for the percentage of the market that is after quality, most people base their decisions on what is perceived to be the superior product. For example, most people looking for bourbon will walk into a store and pick up Jack Daniels (not bourbon, but not really the point) or Jim Beam. Both perfectly average products with huge brand recognition, though neither is nearly as good as Evan Williams at that price point. Evan Williams doesn’t have the same marketing machinery behind it, even though the label is nearly identical to Jack. So yes, marketing and image are a huge part of the success of any brand, and corporations like Diageo have deep pockets to spend getting their brands in front of potential consumers. This much we all know.

But what options are left for brands with shallower pockets? Brands that are emerging or in a particularly competitive smaller market, such as caçhaca or absinthe? They resort to two of my very favorite methods: pictures of naked women or the internet. I have a particular target in mind, as this particular target has made it a point to seek me out in the course of their marketing attempts, so for today I will let the naked women go and focus on “guerilla” internet marketing practices, like comment spam. Such as the spam we all received with rather alarming focus and tenacity about the “absinthe” Le Tourment Vert submitted to many of our sites via their firm of record, Cashmere.

Before I go any further, I must point out that not all marketers who turn to the internet resort to adversarial tactics. The fine people at BAT, for example, are enthusiastic about liquor and work closely with bloggers to provide products and receive sincere feedback and truthful coverage. We are fortunate to be in contact with thoughtful reps who are truly interested in getting honest positive or negative responses for the products they promote, rather than viewing this group of dedicated, passionate enthusiasts as a means to an end to be exploited in the most convenient way. We may not be changing the world, but I certainly don’t appreciate being spammed by agents of the very industry we support. Though as a group we tend to be vocal about our prejudices and clear in our preferences, we are open-minded and are happy to work with marketers who want to engage in dialogue, not simply use our sites as outposts for rote press releases and very obvious comment spam in pursuit of product coverage. I know I have been surprised by a number of products sent by marketing teams—products I might not otherwise have tried that won me over—so it’s doubly irritating to be harassed by people I might have had a useful interaction with.

Which is not to say that Le Tourment Vert could have won me over. As with many products I don’t like, I was perfectly happy to leave Le Tourment Vert alone. I wasn’t going to write about it, much less bash it, but now that the gloves are off I don’t feel the need to stay on the high road. For those of you who have not yet encountered this “absinthe,” allow me to provide some notes so that you can be duly prepared. Forewarned is forearmed, as the saying goes.

First, I can say that the bottle is nicely designed. It’s flashy and interesting, which is generally a bad sign when dealing with liquor; the fancier the bottle, the more suspicious I am about the quality of the contents. The packaging is designed to showcase one of the major features of Le Tourment Vert, it’s electric blue-green color:

In case you’re wondering, that isn’t a color that is generally found in absinthe because there are no bright blue botanicals, much less ones that are used in making absinthe. The green color in absinthe comes from the herbs that are macerated in the base spirit, not from FD&C Blue Lake No. 2. Aside from indicating that this absinthe probably doesn’t taste very good—having falsified one of the foremost characteristics of absinthe right off the bat—food coloring is also not very good for you. Fortunately for the consumer, however, the actual taste of Le Tourment Vert is terrible, so you aren’t likely to be exposed to much dye. I can’t give precise tasting notes, as my experience with it was so horrible that I braced myself and swallowed what I had ingested, then quickly drowned it out with many glasses of better absinthe. I can, however, tell you that only two words sprang to mind: Aqua Velva. Yes, that Aqua Velva. LTV is absolutely the best aftershave-flavored liqueur on the market. Don’t believe that it was that awful? Check out what the Wormwood Society has to say about it.

I suppose you could say that, given that the product is uniformly reviled, it makes sense that Cashmere would resort to comment spam as a way to garner attention. Logical as that thought process may be, it’s a resounding pain in the ass to be assaulted by people who, had they engaged us otherwise, could have achieved better results. As it is, we all deleted the spam and, as an added bonus, got really pissed off about the entire debacle. Congratulations, Cashmere! You got our attention, though I don’t think it was the kind you wanted.

Click here to view the entire list of posts on the LTV spam-a-polooza.

Update: In the aftermath of our coordinated effort, each of the bloggers has been contacted by both Cashmere, the PR company, and Vinet Ege, distiller of Le Tourment Vert. They have issued a formal apology to us and our readership, which you can read here. Thank you, and apology accepted.